


I Will Only Slow You Down

by MiSaber



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bad Things Happen Bingo, Blindness, Blood and Violence, But There Is Some Sweetness To It I Guess, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Heavy Angst, I cried while writing this, I think?, I'm Sorry For Breaking Your Heart, If you're still here, Just To Make Sure You Get It, Last ANGST Warning, M/M, This is chaos, You will most likely cry too, no happy ending, what is tagging even
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:33:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29365557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiSaber/pseuds/MiSaber
Summary: Magnus felt the force field dropping. They didn’t have time. He had to show Alec to safety before the Shadowhunter threw himself in the death pit again. He wouldn’t have enough magic for seconds. But at the same time, he didn’t want to move an inch. He belonged in Alec’s arms forever, so he wished for a few moments of peace and a few more moments of that forever they had once promised one another.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2157165
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	I Will Only Slow You Down

**Author's Note:**

> Greetings! Thank you for taking your time to read this fic in advance!  
> First of all I'd like to encourage you to read the tags carefully before venturing on this wild 3.5k adventure. Since the piece is written as part of Bad Things Happen Bingo, it is quite angsty - I decided to take a direct approach with the "I Will Only Slow You Down" Square. I know this is not for everyone, so if you eventually decide to read it, do so at your own risk.  
> All the characters mentioned below belong to Cassandra Clare and Freeform.  
> Shout-out to the wonderful Betas [Maryliz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maryliz2121/pseuds/Maryliz2121) and Echo for reviewing this fic. Without you it would have never seen the light of day. <3  
> Still here? Well then, enjoy!

Sometimes we don’t get to choose what happens to us. Sometimes we must ride the wave of life and succumb to its desires, even though it isn’t fair. It is cruel and gruesome, and it can be a destroyer of dreams. People who have built worlds for years and years, only to see them crumble right before their eyes. They are running, trying to save everyone, to delay the inevitable destruction, but they can’t. And finally, they allow themselves to fall into despair. After desperately chasing their broken dreams, almost pulling off the impossible, but ultimately realising there is no salvation, they fall down like the pillars of bricks, stone and dust around them to grieve.

Until now, though, Magnus had never realised this was not only the destiny of the mundanes, but of the Shadow world as well. Especially the Nephilim. They faced challenges, way greater than them, ready to sacrifice themselves for the cause. But Magnus wasn’t ready. No, he was a petty, selfish being, who could never give up on the things he loved.  
That is why he walked forward, his teeth gritted, his clothes ripped and dirty, his eyes filled with rage towards the injustice of it all. He wiped his sweaty forehead with his free hand and focused all his magic at repelling the attackers before them. He shot blast after blast after blast of blue magic, the black figures dropping on the ground like bowling pins and more coming from all sides to replace them. Magnus knew at this rate his magic would be depleted sooner rather than later, and he didn’t have time to plan his escape out. Maybe he could hide, just for a little until he clears out the path to proceed. No, that would draw just more attention to him. Maybe he could… A small grunt of pain to his right brought him back from his pondering. He felt the air in his lungs stale and dense, he could barely draw a breath. He was in no position to slack anymore, he must act. Magnus raised his hand and a portal opened next to him. He adjusted his arm so that the weight was balanced and jumped through the opening.

He appeared a couple of kilometers far from the fight. Not enough to escape, but enough to tend to the boy sacked on his right shoulder. He put him down carefully on the ground and gasped. The wound was deep and lacerated, blood and ichor gushing out of it. Magnus wanted to cry and scream but he looked at the wild hazel eyes staring at him.  
“Alec? Darling, please, hold on. I am going to tend to your wounds now. You are going to be alright.” Magnus choked out, removing his shirt by hand because his magic was dangerously low. He heard the cry of pain from his lover and he bit his dry lips. “I am so sorry, _sayang_ , please, I need to remove the shirt.” Alec drew a couple of shallow breaths and then nodded slightly.  
When his chest was revealed, Magnus instantly summoned some alcohol and a gauze to clean up the wound. Alec grunted and twitched away from his touch which caused him to whimper at the pain that shot through his ribcage. Magnus apologised again and snapped his fingers, his magic faintly wrapping around his palms in a translucent fog. It reached Alec’s shivering body, soothing, taking the pain away. Magnus knew he had to flush the demon venom out of his lover’s system if Alec was to survive. So he poured, and poured and poured, forgetting about the fight around him. The loud roars of people, the screams, the clashing of blades and the deafening thud of walls hitting the ground. Magnus shut it all out. Right now, he had eyes only for Alec. The only important thing was for him to get healed.

The soothing waves penetrated Alec’s body, washing over him. He sighed, feeling the effect of the magic taking the pain away. He closed his eyes again to rest for a bit. _Everything will be alright._ Yes, Alec thought, Magnus will take care of him. They will walk away victorious from this.

Magnus couldn’t allow himself to think the worst when his Shadowhunter’s eyes fluttered closed. He simply had to continue, because he felt his lifeforce tethering on the edge and it was up to the Warlock to not let him fall. So he pushed waves and hoped for the best. He ignored the warning bell in his mind that told him they might not succeed. His ears barely registered a couple of Shadowhunters pounding forward, Seraph blades lit in their hands. They were covered in blood and gore, but the smiles on their faces indicated they were clearly enjoying their path of destruction. If not that, the glimmer of chaos in their eyes did. Magnus panicked - not because of the impending fear of his life being taken away by those monsters per say, but because if they did, he wouldn’t be able to keep Alec alive. He then realised two things – one, that he had a very difficult choice to make and, two, that no one was safe from the claws of life. Even them. Even though they once pledged they were invincible against its blows. Now it, in all its glory, was laughing in their faces, presenting Magnus with two choices that were by no means choices. Because he didn’t even have to think about it - it was always the same response, and it will always be.

Taking out a knife, Magnus summoned all the demonic power he possessed, and cut his chest, just above the lower edge of his ribcage, in the exact same spot where Alec had been pierced. He clenched his jaw at the sharp pain and felt warm tears stream down his face. He dropped the knife and placed his hands on Alec’s chest gently while kneeling besides him sideways. He looked up only to see the approaching Shadowhunters being knocked back, some of them twitching on the dirt before they stopped moving, some with their eyes wide in fear, backing off. Magnus’ face twisted in an evil grin. The energy around him was gathering, the spell had started. There was no turning back now, he thought. One look at his precious Alec was enough to give him the courage of the unknown. And to morph his face into something softer, something full of love, reserved only for the black-haired Shadowhunter. The fire in his eyes subsided, the grin turned into a loving smile.  
Magnus started reciting the ancient words, so old that they had been almost forgotten by the Warlocks, ones that he had never used, but he knew them for some reason. He guessed, smiling bitterly, it was because of this exact moment. Then his body trembled deeply, but he held the energy, he controlled it. Memories started unfolding before his eyes - Alec and him after their kiss in front of all the Shadowhunters in Idris, a pledge, Magnus realised, that his lover had made to him then and there. To be together, only the two of them against the world. He remembered the romantic getaway in Paris, the dinner on a floating platform, the world in their feet. Magnus had organised grand gestures for his lovers before, but with Alec he truly believed that the Shadowhunter deserved every single one of them. He remembered the warm, infinitely calming and sweet touch of Alec’s lips across all of his body, the nights full of whispers and gasps and tangled bodies, so close to each other they could be one. All the memories blurred and faded, disappearing into the mist and Magnus couldn’t help but cry and scream openly now. If only he had a bit more time, just a bit more… If only he could tell Alec just how much he loved him… His head hovered over Alec’s forehead, placing a kiss there, his hands tangling in his jet-black locks. He felt his vision darken. His breath stuttered out of him but he kissed Alec again, wherever he could touch. He saw his body tremble in the same way as his, only now, Alec was slowly regaining warmth under Magnus’ lips. 

***

  
Alec was drowning. He felt Magnus’ magic coarse through him, but he felt so far away. Alec was reaching out, but he couldn’t move his body. It was as if he’d been frozen into an ice block. Magnus was there, he knew, but he knew that they were in danger as well. The battle wasn’t over - the sounds around them assuring him of that. And it was closing. Alicante had fallen, the pillars of the Glass City lay shattered and the world had turned upside down. He turned his head towards the battlefield, seeing his fellow Shadowhunters being slaughtered by Valentine’s army. He wanted to help them, but firm weight was placed upon his chest, keeping him down. He felt tremendous energy from his left and he was involuntarily twisting, the pain excruciating. It made him briefly snap his eyes wide, his mouth open in a silent scream because his voice was stuck too deep in his throat. He saw Magnus through his heavy eyelids chanting words in an unknown language and he looked so beautiful, enwrapped in a blue capsule of his magic.  
Alec still couldn’t believe that man chose him. The warlock made him feel himself, special and enthralling and he brought love into his life. And he was constantly saving his life, he was there for him whenever Alec needed him. And now was no different. He was scared because his instincts told him this was no simple magic. And yet, he trusted Magnus with his life, so he just gave up on all control. He put everything in his beloved’s hands, eyes shutting again. And sure enough, after a while the hurt subsided and he could move again. He immediately searched for Magnus, but he was lying over him, sobbing, his hands bunched in his hair.  
“Alec, Alec, Alec...” he repeated, his voice a surprised whisper, as if he couldn’t believe the Shadowhunter was alive.  
“I am here, Magnus, I am here.” He wrapped his arms tightly around the warlock who seemed in trance. There was nothing in this world Alec could compare to the comfort Magnus’ embrace brought him. So, he let himself melt into it and breathe in the sandalwood scent that even now, he could sense from Magnus’ body.

Magnus felt the force field dropping. They didn’t have time. He had to show Alec to safety before the Shadowhunter threw himself in the death pit again. He wouldn’t have enough magic for seconds. But at the same time, he didn’t want to move an inch. He belonged in Alec’s arms forever, so he wished for a few moments of peace and a few more moments of that forever they had once promised one another.

The world was chaos. The world was darkness. And somehow Magnus was glad he wouldn’t be witnessing that anymore.

***

  
“Come on, Magnus, we have to go.” Alec was pushing the warlock’s shoulders back so that they would get up. He did it, Alec thought proudly, he truly did. They weren’t out of the woods yet, but Alec felt strong and he was certain they would find their way out together.  
“Magnus, Valentine’s army is closing in. We have to run.” He looked at the devastation around, and he hoped with all his heart that at least some of his colleagues had been able to survive the massacre. Now, though, he could only care about Magnus. So, he pulled him up and started sprinting.  
Five metres in, however, Magnus tripped and fell, bracing himself on his hands. Alec immediately crouched down to him and looked at his face, which Magnus tried to hide. He took his chin and raised it up, gasping. Where once his stunning cat eyes had been, now there were cloudy whites, frantically trying to grasp at something, anything really. Alec felt his own hazels stinging as he muttered:  
“Why? Why, Magnus?”  
The warlock smiled his glassy eyes fixed towards the direction of Alec’s face. “This is the price I had to pay. It’s for the best, Alexander. Now I don’t have to see the cruelties in the world. I’ve had enough of them through the centuries, anyway.” He tried to smile, but his smile died halfway, his mouth grimacing. “The only thing I regret is that I can’t see _you_.”  
“This is not the time for jokes, Magnus.” Alec replied angrily.  
“If it’s not now, I don’t see when it will be, Alexander.” Magnus countered, then sighed, which provoked a whimper from him, his hand immediately clutching his right side.  
“What are you not telling me?” Alec insisted, seeing the warlock’s action. A sound between a choke and a wail escaped Alec when Magnus brought his shirt up and the Shadowhunter saw his wound mirrored on his beloved’s chest.  
“No. No, no, no. No!” Alec let tears flow down his face. That was not supposed to happen. They were both supposed to make it out. He frantically looked for any trace of his own wound but there was none. Not even a scar, the pale skin as healthy as it had been before the attack.

Magnus slowly raised his hands towards Alec and after a few seconds of struggling to find his face, he eventually cupped his cheeks. “Don’t cry, _sayang_ ,” he said, wiping the tears on Alec’s cheekbones, “It is fair. Your life is more valuable than mine is. I’ve lived for centuries, I’ve seen enough. Though,” his voice shook, “I will never see enough of you.”

Alec could see that he was playing brave, but he was scared. Yet, that didn’t prevent him from boldly raising his chin, his unseeing eyes flaring with a flame of life and he said, full of sadness because of the suffering he knew he inflicted on Alec, but firmly at the same time, so that the words get to him, so that he would listen.

“My love, I will be honest with you, because you deserve it. You deserve the best, all of it. And I wouldn’t do justice to my memory if I start lying now. I love you, Alexander, so much that my heart sometimes cannot handle the feeling. It hasn’t been that long but you mean everything to me, and I know that if I am willing to make a sacrifice, I would make it for you. Every time, for as long as you live. Because you saved me from my demons and you brought life back to me. I can’t..” he was suffocating “... I can’t let you die, I can’t lose you like that when I know that I’ve done horrible things and still managed to live it down. It can’t be both of us. And I will only slow you down. So, please, don’t let this be in vain. _I want_ you _to survive_.” Magnus finished, out of breath, his eyes red and dry from all the tears he had shed alongside Alec.

***

  
Sometimes we don’t get to choose what happens to us. Sometimes we must ride the wave of life and succumb to its desires, even though it isn’t fair. And sometimes, we had to fight with all our might, despite knowing that we would lose.  
Alec kissed Magnus, scrunching his eyes. It was a chaste, but affectionate kiss. And when he pulled back, he saw Magnus’ expression of agony, his slumped shoulders and the way his chest was heaving, struggling for air, and that by itself solidified his decision. As he heard shouts of Shadowhunters behind them, he picked the warlock up, arms wrapped under his arms and knees and advanced forward.

“Alexander, what are you doing?” Magnus asked, literally swept off his feet. “That’s not what I meant! Put me down!”  
“Why?” Alec asked, strengthening his embrace. “So that you can run into them to self-punish yourself for the mistakes of the past? So that I witness how they defile your body after they murder you?” A shiver ran down Magnus’ spine at the harshness of Alec’s words. However, he was right. “So that I stand by as the love of my life is being snatched away from me?” Alec was panting, but he kept a steady speed.  
Magnus stopped struggling and simply held onto his Shadowhunter’s neck. He knew Alec was right, he knew it. If he was in his place, he would have done the same. It was different, he wanted to tell himself. What if Alec didn’t see a difference? What if Alec wanted to be with him until the bitter end? It was going to hurt, immensely, was worse than to leave him here, but he had to remind himself, this was Alec. His _sayang_. His stupid Nephilim. It didn’t matter how much it hurt, Alec proved again and again, that his choice was always going to be Magnus.  
He didn’t have any power to resist anymore, feeling the demon venom coursing through his veins already, pumping towards his heart. He cried silently in Alec’s shoulder, while Alec was crossing the field at breakneck speed, his lips glued to Magnus’ hair, whispering “I love you's”.

The rumbling behind them became louder but Alec didn’t slow down. He just continued running. He saw the remains of the gate of the Glass City and he smiled down at Magnus. “Hold on, my love. We are almost there.” They just needed to reach the emergency portal in Brocelind forest. Alec stumbled a few times, but it was as if Magnus was magic himself and his embrace was giving him power to run. His feet were burning with waves of dull and sharp pain. The silvery glimmer of lake Lynn was already coming into sight and his face brightened. “Magnus, we are here. We have arrived. Don’t go to sleep yet, my love, let’s go back to the loft and we will rest together.” He laughed in Magnus’ hair and he heard a broken, hysterical laugh in response against his chest. “You are one crazy and stubborn man, Alexander Lightwood.” 

“Not as crazy and stubborn as you.” Alec said, lowering for a kiss. Alec hardly felt a sting in his back - he was too busy clutching Magnus, happy that they fulfilled their promise after all. _Together._

***

  
**The next morning**  


As soon as Izzy heard her brother and Magnus had escaped Idris with their lives she rushed towards Magnus’ apartment. Covered in cuts and bruises, her hair a mess from the pulling treatment all night she insisted on going to see Alec despite the dangers of a hidden rogue from Valentine’s army killing her. The last thing she remembered is instructing Magnus to take Alec out of the fight, while he was striking down Shadowhunter after Shadowhunter to cover their backs. She had a bad feeling, but she pushed it away. All of them were alive - Jace, Clary, their parents, Max, Simon, Luke, Maia. They had prevailed. It had cost _everything_ but in the ashes of the old world, the corpses of thousands of Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike, they had won. Valentine was defeated. 

Her feeling of nervousness intensified as she entered the loft. The silence was unsettling. She carefully inspected the rooms for traps before she reached the bedroom. But her heart sank in her feet the moment she opened the door. Her brother and Magnus laid there, in each other’s arms, Magnus’ head turned towards Alec’s chest, matching smiles full of fondness spread on their faces. Alec’s lips were brushing the warlock’s forehead and they almost looked like they were sleeping in the peaceful way they were embraced, save the fact that their chests weren’t moving. Izzy’s heart broke at the sight and she fell on the floor, her head in her hands. She cried for a while before regaining her composure with monumental effort, getting up and sending a fire message to the Institute.  
While waiting for her friends and family to arrive, she took a long look at the couple. They looked happy, like they knew what was coming but they chose it either way. Izzy knew her brother and he was not a selfish person. The only reason she thought of, that would force her brother to act so recklessly, was to save Magnus. And, as it would seem, Magnus had saved Alec as well, judging by the wound on Alec’s chest now being a thing of the past. 

***

  
Sometimes we don’t get to choose what happens to us. Sometimes we must ride the wave of life and succumb to its desires, even though it isn’t fair. And sometimes, we choose to take our destiny into our own hands. We stand up, spitting in life’s face and say, “ _We decide what happens to us_ ”. Even if we do choose death, we will do so on our terms. If we choose your gift you claim is so precious, we will do so on our terms. And if you take away our freedom and our love, you can have your gift back. _We decide where our path goes and where it ends_. The smiles on Alec and Magnus’ faces were evident of that decision, and if not, the blood, soaking Magnus’ shirt and the broken arrows, sticking from Alec’s back and legs were proof enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Phew, that was a blast! *sobs* Initially I had no idea if I want for both of them to die, but I think there is a certain beauty to it and I think it immortalises their love. It is the only way I imagine them to depart anyway.  
> This is my first official fic I've ever posted online and I have tagged the work to the best of my ability, but if there is anything you think I've missed, feel free to politely address it in the comments so that I can add it/them afterwards.  
> On that note, regarding comments - I'm generally open to concrit, but I will not tolerate spiteful or rude comments, because frankly, I believe the purpose of the comment section is to praise the author's strengths and motivate him/her to be better, not to make him/her want to quit writing altogether. Do keep in mind that feedback is greatly appreciated (even in the forms of pointing potential weak points or general advice). Love you all!  
>  **P.S.** If your looking to scream about Malec (or anything Shadowhunters related, really) and don't know where to go, come join a super fun [Malec Discord Server](https://discord.com/invite/GY8jT4x)


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